Saturday, December 30, 2006
" ; Saturday, December 30, 2006 "
Thursday, December 28, 2006
" ; Thursday, December 28, 2006 "
28'12'06
todae was suppose to be a happy dae....
but...
everyting which was planned....
was spoilt....
was gone.....
i promised pauline and some frns to go for a movie[Deathnote2]
i knew i actualli can jus cheat my parents and jus sneak out....
is veri easy for mi....i had plenty of ideas and lies....
but....
this time i choose not to....
becoz....i believe if i let them noe....
it will create a chance to prove them i can be trust....
but for some many yrs....
they nv give mi a chance....
haha....i m so stewpid to ask them again....
i m fifthteen....not three yrs old....
i asked my mom on 26'12 before she left for macao....
she told mi....
mostly is CAN de....but i cannot wear veri punk....
coz will coz alot of attraction....
then i kept a promise wif her....
my heart was enlightened....
i tot 75% can go....
after she ask my auntie....
with this stewpid hope....
it bought mi more disapointment answer...
on 27'12.....
my dad called frm homeland....
he said CANNOT.....
frm a three letter word"CAN"
another three letter word added on it"NOT"
he gave mi alot of excuses and reasons
which i heard of them for hundred of times....
as i couldnt resist anymore....
i told him....
"there is no need to explain so much....
i have expected it.....
is always like that....
for the fifthteen years....
u adults had been repeatin
all these crappin reasons...
again and again....
nevermind...i knew the answer all along...
u guys nv understands mi....
and u guys never try to trust mi...
must well i jus jail myself at home forever!!!!"
my dad scolded mi for that....
and i jus ignore....
then he pass the phone to my mom...
she patiently spoke:
"i had asked ur auntie....
she said that later if u get into any trouble...
no adults is here to look for u....
and some more....
ur face is not ugly...
u r easily attract danger......"
and more craps jus couldnt get into my ears....
i jus replile her:
"i knew it...Bai bai..."
Do0oo...
i hang up the phone...
i knew they were angry...so as i....
i cannot tolerate anymore....
the phrase"the wprld is unfair"
is true...
i cried that nite....with frustration and madness....
i was angry....
as they gave mi hope....
i was sad....
as they made mi disapointed....
i was furious....
s they nv gave mi a chance to prove....
i was evil...
as i m plannin to jus sneak out for my whole entire life...
i knew my aunt still kept the boyfriend thinkin in her mind....
and find lame excuses to prevent mi go out...
i knew she will do that...
i knew it all along....
but i m jus too stewpid to be a good gurl to ask...
next tym....i wont even take the initial to ASK...
it will jus waste my time and energy...
as i alrd knew the answer...
i rather spent time think ideas of sneakin out than seatin there listening to their craps..
since they are in that way....
i will find ways to fight back...
if U[my aunt ,my parents..]
ever read this post.....
i will tell u all these....
if i turn bad....
is u all who made mi....
if m not a person who will sit there listennin to ur craps...
and lettin u treat mi like a pet....
i m tellin u....
I W.O.N.T!!!!!
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
" ; Wednesday, December 27, 2006 "
Friday, December 22, 2006
" ; Friday, December 22, 2006 "
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
" ; Tuesday, December 19, 2006 "
" ; Tuesday, December 19, 2006 "
19'12'06
count down 24 mor hrs....
i will appear on the plane back the singapore...
KERo:"erm....hang u des....wad's ur feelings now??Kero!(`=I=')
HangU:"haha...10%excited....20%worried(coz hw not finish..)..30%motivated(coz can see my darlin sista)...40%sad...(coz cannot go shoppin liao...hang itchy)...remainin 10 %..is sad..(coz sure kena scold by tuition tchr...)"
****REPORT DONE****
haha....
todae is my parttime skl de christmas party....ahha....
i m a dumb pig....i bought candy bar for the children...
but then after i walked all the way to the skl....
i realised that i had forgotten to bring those candy(s)
haha...then once again rush back to my hse and get it....
the TWO big mistake....
ONE!!!i wear high heels....
TWO!!!the skl is on hill
haha
lol
but dun noe why...when i tot of those kawaii kids...
i jus jogged all the way back...
haha...but realli tired...haha...
i realli enjoyed the party.....especially when the kids hug mi...
the feelings is like happiness rushing up the soul....
haha...(=
when i told them tmr i m going back....
one of them still dragged my legs tellin mi not to go...
haha....throughout this partime...i learnt alot of things...
haha..teachin is realli not easy ....
u hav to get the kids' attention....
on the other hand...u mus speak loud enough for them to hear...
and of coz things they will understand...
haha...now i changed my mind of not havin children....
is realli fun to see them everidae...everisecond....growing up learnin...
haha....let's flash back to sundae.!!!.
my big auntie invited my bro and i to lunch.....
and she gave us each an IPOD!!!!!!!!!!
haha....cannot imagine...haha...but felt a bit guilty...
coz i always tok bad things abt her...
ahha...but i tot worth....coz she deserve it...
haha...veri evil sia...haha....<('^')>
haha...btw...guys...
tmr i m gng back...
haha...happi??\(",)/
haha....mi now veri bothered by my overloaded lugages....
so.....bai bai...
see ya there^^
count down 24 mor hrs....
i will appear on the plane back the singapore...
KERo:"erm....hang u des....wad's ur feelings now??Kero!(`=I=')
HangU:"haha...10%excited....20%worried(coz hw not finish..)..30%motivated(coz can see my darlin sista)...40%sad...(coz cannot go shoppin liao...hang itchy)...remainin 10 %..is sad..(coz sure kena scold by tuition tchr...)"
****REPORT DONE****
haha....
todae is my parttime skl de christmas party....ahha....
i m a dumb pig....i bought candy bar for the children...
but then after i walked all the way to the skl....
i realised that i had forgotten to bring those candy(s)
haha...then once again rush back to my hse and get it....
the TWO big mistake....
ONE!!!i wear high heels....
TWO!!!the skl is on hill
haha
lol
but dun noe why...when i tot of those kawaii kids...
i jus jogged all the way back...
haha...but realli tired...haha...
i realli enjoyed the party.....especially when the kids hug mi...
the feelings is like happiness rushing up the soul....
haha...(=
when i told them tmr i m going back....
one of them still dragged my legs tellin mi not to go...
haha....throughout this partime...i learnt alot of things...
haha..teachin is realli not easy ....
u hav to get the kids' attention....
on the other hand...u mus speak loud enough for them to hear...
and of coz things they will understand...
haha...now i changed my mind of not havin children....
is realli fun to see them everidae...everisecond....growing up learnin...
haha....let's flash back to sundae.!!!.
my big auntie invited my bro and i to lunch.....
and she gave us each an IPOD!!!!!!!!!!
haha....cannot imagine...haha...but felt a bit guilty...
coz i always tok bad things abt her...
ahha...but i tot worth....coz she deserve it...
haha...veri evil sia...haha....<('^')>
haha...btw...guys...
tmr i m gng back...
haha...happi??\(",)/
haha....mi now veri bothered by my overloaded lugages....
so.....bai bai...
see ya there^^
Friday, December 15, 2006
" ; Friday, December 15, 2006 "
PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!<3
PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!<3
PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!<3
PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!<3
Sunday, December 10, 2006
" ; Sunday, December 10, 2006 "
Friday, December 08, 2006
" ; Friday, December 08, 2006 "
8'12'06
SOrri....
that's todae's title...
todae cannot say anymore 'haha' liao....
todae...i did a veri bad thing to my family....
may be to teenagers like mii wont discover this mistake until ur parents scolded u...
yesterdae....i onlined and searched through the web....
i found a website of lolita's clothes....
then...one set of dress attracted my attention....
and when i looked at the price is damn expensive...
and also at the shop where i always go doesnt sell that set of dress...
i found it veri speacial and unique....
and actualii i can make m y own...
but the sowing skill is too complicated....and i think i cant do it....
and so....with the stewpidness in mi...
i printed out the picture...and asked my sleepy dad whether i can go ask pple make the dress anot....
and he say ok....wif that ok...i tot he agreed mii to go and pay someone to do....
and all along of my tots are faults....
i didnt noe that i will bring so many trouble and sadness to my parents....
todae....after going to work....
i went to buy those cloth...it cost $160 macao dollar....
i knew it was expensive....and i tell u...this was the 2nd step i took wrngly...
and there....i went to the shop my dad intro....
but the dress maker was not there and his student say he dont noe how to make...
and wif that foolish passion.....
i walked myself all the way to another shop.....it was far....
then i let the dress maker hav my bussiness....
and that was the third step that went wrng....
then dressmaker said $200 macao dollar....
i knew it was much more expensive to buy a dress in my usual shop....
but i didnt noe how to stop and control myself...
i m too much into spentin my $$....
i didnt noe all these had cost alot on my parents....
afterthat....i called my anxious mom who was waitin for mi at home that i will be late...
frm there...she started to panick....she was afraid that i will be cheated by pple...
when i reached home to face the music....
she realli terribly scolded mii...
this was the first time i sat quietly on a chair and listen the holy bible...
i didnt noe why i m like tat..
but i absolutely knew i had done wrong..
adn may be bcoz this...i keep quite and didnt scold her back....
she was veri angry....she said i had bought a lot of things...and it all cost alot...
but i knew almost all the things i bought...i paid it...onli half of it??or lesser even....
but i kept silently....my throat was stuck by saliva...i was speechless....
when she said till my dad and her veri tired...everidae after work...
and all the money goes to my studyin....
and one dae...or perharps tmr..she might not walk again...
bcoz her idiot backbone hit by her bro wif a chair....
i realli waken by then.,..
i knew i was totally wrong....
i felt terribly bad....i felt gulitiness rushin up my soul....
i felt the painness....i knew i m sorry.....but i had done it...and i didnt noe wad to do...
my hands went limply by my sides....sweatly....
u may sae...chey first time nvm la...
is not tat....
this time...actualli...i wanted to prove to them...i m old enuf to handle things...
but...bb..but....i tink i failed them....
like that time go taiwan....
i wanted to go shoppin....but my mom is veri exhausted....
but jus don know why...the temptation of shoppin won my little angel....
i insist on shoppin and at last they allowed mi to shop alone./..
which they knew is a risk....and tt time...i wanted to proof....
but i failed them too.....i promised to pick uo the phone whenever it rang...
but then place were too crowded and noisy that i didnt even hear it....
they were realli worried abt mi..i felt it...and in my heart i promise not to repeat...
i said hundred of sorries and apologies...but i m so afraid it will jus let them lost trust in mi...
so this time...i realli wanted to do a good one....but once again...i failed them....
during afternoon....
we went to pick up my dad....
and in the car...the scolded again....
that time...i realli feel like crying...
as i think i realli is a shitty idiotic fool...
my mom screamed at mi loudly...and angrily....
i was territfied...i kept pullin my long sleeves shirt nervously....
they was angry bcoz i didnt discuss wif them first..and i tink is true...
and for this ting..i tink is habit...is bcoz my auntie too strict...and i always do things behind her back....and for this i made my parents beri beri nervous....
i felt realli depressed over my actions....
i knew they were carin for mi....
but i didnt even care abt their feelings and i jus....
i jus wanna to let them rest and doesnt wan to bother them...
but in the end..i jus earned them dislikes....
they knew macao more than mi...they knew sowin more then mi...
they knew those experiences...more than...much more....
they didnt wan mi to get hurt and fall into pple's trap like them....
they wanted to warn mi....
they are protectin mi.,..and i jus unknowningly hurt their feelings...
my dad and i then went to the shop and asked clearly and looked at the design...
and luckily my dad agreed with the 2 bucks...he said the set od dress realli worth that...
but jus 50 dollar expensive...
on the way home...
i stuffed my hands into the small pocket on my jacket...and followed silently after my dad...
and i knew he will be dng lecture....
and i felt thousands of sharp knife pokin my heart again...after mom's
bcoz dad is my favourite papa...and now...i lost his trust
i m realli scared....i m frightened....
when i reached home....
i went to my room and locked myself up...
tears jus came flushin down....i m wrong...totally wrng....
and i knew it....but i m glad i improved...
if it was last tym de hang u...i will surely scolded my parents and make a big fess of it...
then i locked myself up and started typin the blog....
i jus wanted to write all these down as a punishment...
i wan to reflect my gulity....
half way through.....they two knocked the door....
they asked mi to eat dinner....
i said i didnt wan to eat...
that time...i was tryin to act brave and strong...but inside was crying...
aAW....that;s hang u.....
when i opened the door...they two standed there....
i m realli touched as they nv gave up on mi....
when i reached the dinner table....
when i jus put the first spoon of rice into my mouth....
i jus cried throughoutly....out of control.....
i said sori to them...
and my mom jus came and hugged mi....
and they forgave mi....
i dun noe how to express my feelings here...
but i jus feel warmth....realli melting...
family forgiveness is the best cure of ur gulitiness...
SORRY.......
SOrri....
that's todae's title...
todae cannot say anymore 'haha' liao....
todae...i did a veri bad thing to my family....
may be to teenagers like mii wont discover this mistake until ur parents scolded u...
yesterdae....i onlined and searched through the web....
i found a website of lolita's clothes....
then...one set of dress attracted my attention....
and when i looked at the price is damn expensive...
and also at the shop where i always go doesnt sell that set of dress...
i found it veri speacial and unique....
and actualii i can make m y own...
but the sowing skill is too complicated....and i think i cant do it....
and so....with the stewpidness in mi...
i printed out the picture...and asked my sleepy dad whether i can go ask pple make the dress anot....
and he say ok....wif that ok...i tot he agreed mii to go and pay someone to do....
and all along of my tots are faults....
i didnt noe that i will bring so many trouble and sadness to my parents....
todae....after going to work....
i went to buy those cloth...it cost $160 macao dollar....
i knew it was expensive....and i tell u...this was the 2nd step i took wrngly...
and there....i went to the shop my dad intro....
but the dress maker was not there and his student say he dont noe how to make...
and wif that foolish passion.....
i walked myself all the way to another shop.....it was far....
then i let the dress maker hav my bussiness....
and that was the third step that went wrng....
then dressmaker said $200 macao dollar....
i knew it was much more expensive to buy a dress in my usual shop....
but i didnt noe how to stop and control myself...
i m too much into spentin my $$....
i didnt noe all these had cost alot on my parents....
afterthat....i called my anxious mom who was waitin for mi at home that i will be late...
frm there...she started to panick....she was afraid that i will be cheated by pple...
when i reached home to face the music....
she realli terribly scolded mii...
this was the first time i sat quietly on a chair and listen the holy bible...
i didnt noe why i m like tat..
but i absolutely knew i had done wrong..
adn may be bcoz this...i keep quite and didnt scold her back....
she was veri angry....she said i had bought a lot of things...and it all cost alot...
but i knew almost all the things i bought...i paid it...onli half of it??or lesser even....
but i kept silently....my throat was stuck by saliva...i was speechless....
when she said till my dad and her veri tired...everidae after work...
and all the money goes to my studyin....
and one dae...or perharps tmr..she might not walk again...
bcoz her idiot backbone hit by her bro wif a chair....
i realli waken by then.,..
i knew i was totally wrong....
i felt terribly bad....i felt gulitiness rushin up my soul....
i felt the painness....i knew i m sorry.....but i had done it...and i didnt noe wad to do...
my hands went limply by my sides....sweatly....
u may sae...chey first time nvm la...
is not tat....
this time...actualli...i wanted to prove to them...i m old enuf to handle things...
but...bb..but....i tink i failed them....
like that time go taiwan....
i wanted to go shoppin....but my mom is veri exhausted....
but jus don know why...the temptation of shoppin won my little angel....
i insist on shoppin and at last they allowed mi to shop alone./..
which they knew is a risk....and tt time...i wanted to proof....
but i failed them too.....i promised to pick uo the phone whenever it rang...
but then place were too crowded and noisy that i didnt even hear it....
they were realli worried abt mi..i felt it...and in my heart i promise not to repeat...
i said hundred of sorries and apologies...but i m so afraid it will jus let them lost trust in mi...
so this time...i realli wanted to do a good one....but once again...i failed them....
during afternoon....
we went to pick up my dad....
and in the car...the scolded again....
that time...i realli feel like crying...
as i think i realli is a shitty idiotic fool...
my mom screamed at mi loudly...and angrily....
i was territfied...i kept pullin my long sleeves shirt nervously....
they was angry bcoz i didnt discuss wif them first..and i tink is true...
and for this ting..i tink is habit...is bcoz my auntie too strict...and i always do things behind her back....and for this i made my parents beri beri nervous....
i felt realli depressed over my actions....
i knew they were carin for mi....
but i didnt even care abt their feelings and i jus....
i jus wanna to let them rest and doesnt wan to bother them...
but in the end..i jus earned them dislikes....
they knew macao more than mi...they knew sowin more then mi...
they knew those experiences...more than...much more....
they didnt wan mi to get hurt and fall into pple's trap like them....
they wanted to warn mi....
they are protectin mi.,..and i jus unknowningly hurt their feelings...
my dad and i then went to the shop and asked clearly and looked at the design...
and luckily my dad agreed with the 2 bucks...he said the set od dress realli worth that...
but jus 50 dollar expensive...
on the way home...
i stuffed my hands into the small pocket on my jacket...and followed silently after my dad...
and i knew he will be dng lecture....
and i felt thousands of sharp knife pokin my heart again...after mom's
bcoz dad is my favourite papa...and now...i lost his trust
i m realli scared....i m frightened....
when i reached home....
i went to my room and locked myself up...
tears jus came flushin down....i m wrong...totally wrng....
and i knew it....but i m glad i improved...
if it was last tym de hang u...i will surely scolded my parents and make a big fess of it...
then i locked myself up and started typin the blog....
i jus wanted to write all these down as a punishment...
i wan to reflect my gulity....
half way through.....they two knocked the door....
they asked mi to eat dinner....
i said i didnt wan to eat...
that time...i was tryin to act brave and strong...but inside was crying...
aAW....that;s hang u.....
when i opened the door...they two standed there....
i m realli touched as they nv gave up on mi....
when i reached the dinner table....
when i jus put the first spoon of rice into my mouth....
i jus cried throughoutly....out of control.....
i said sori to them...
and my mom jus came and hugged mi....
and they forgave mi....
i dun noe how to express my feelings here...
but i jus feel warmth....realli melting...
family forgiveness is the best cure of ur gulitiness...
SORRY.......
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
" ; Tuesday, December 05, 2006 "
5'12'06
haixz.....)=
have not been updating my BLOG!!!!
i think is ROTTING soon....
haha....
now i come and feed it wif some food...
hope it will forgive mii for abundant it...
hehe...
konmehnasai....
last weekend....my family and hang u...
went to a trip....
haha...
hav lots of fun there...
let see wad happen:
todae....i went for a haircut....
haha...
mushroom head de hang u is back...
ahha....is to fit those stewpid tchr....
haha...got cut my sides....a bit short...
haha...when tie up...abit weird...but still alrite....
aha...lol...(=
these few daes.....
i took a two daes holidaes from job...
is to finish my long waited homework....
ahha....finalii finished....but still gt tuition homework...
argh...those motivation all gone...cannot serious and study...mati liao....
haha...but nvm...AZA AZa...HANG U fighting...!!!(=
i was wondering...what will happen when i reached C class...
what if i realli dont like that class....
what if i realli dont belong that clas...
what if life is boring there....
wild tots came runnin in my mind...is out of control....
i m realli a bit frightening...plus confusing...
dun noe whether my choice r rite....
nowadaes...my parents started askin what will i wan to do in future....
at first tot of art...
but later tot the my art is realli not that good after i look at others pple's art works....
then....i sigh a long heave...
thinkin what shld i do in the future...
haix....is realli too much for mii....
DREAM??!!haha...realli hard to fulfill....
haha...but nvm...i tend to play tis holiday and work hard next yr...
i found that tis yr...i had not been workin hard enuf...
next yr...mus stirke harder....!!!!!BAXIA.....>_<
haha......thinkin of how shld i live my life next yr....
my sista is gng off...
haix...a new challenge facin next yr....
hope i cn manage....PSL...haha...hope cn do good bah...
hope i cn manage....PSL...haha...hope cn do good bah...
haha...i like pessimist...haha..tok all negative tings...
haha..but if now dun tink...next tym no time for u to think....
hehe....i m hopin to do better....!!!!
aha...
HANG u ROTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...
missing all frns....
hopin next yr will still the same...
and HIM oso.....
hopin the choices i made is not wrong....
time will change.....
long road still waitin me to build and plant.....
never giving up!!!
♥
♥
And, life without DUMMY will be equal to the worst night mare...31'May'08
