29 Feb 08

HAPPY LEAP YEAR!!!~~





i used to keep a pastime of staring into beautiful, cloudy sky..
i love capturing them whenever they were so fabulous and amazing...
it makes me feel like i am living in a wonderland...
without faltering...i would take out my camera or even anything that can just let me keep that piece of scenery...
i love enjoying looking into the bright nvay blue sky...
i felt relaxed and free from stress...
however...now...
i discovered that i lost that urge to take every single picture of them...
Still...i will look up into the sky asusual..
but...i no longer capture them...
it aroused memories in me...
sharing the beauty of sky with one...
it set my heart to endless dread...
i cannot imagine me still pondering over him or what..
at times...i just felt that may be i can start doing something for myself...
not for others...
i have been doing all things to please others...
to maintain friendship?to promote good reputation of myself?
well...seriously i have no idea...
but one thing i know was that whenever i start putting in my rffort into helping others..
in the end...i don't gain anything and pple were not appreciating...
i don't like myself of being to concern about what others feel and think about me...
i felt very stress and forbidden...
i want to be who am i...
not other want me to be...
sometimes...i felt teachers are giving me too much pressure...
they kept on emphasizing that i must do well in everything...
however..they never know how hard i worked..
and whenever i degraded..they complaint that i didnt put in effort..
what shit?!
they are the one who demand for good performances in front of the P
and they place the burden onto my shoulder..
expecting me to aid them in all ways..
such as deco...forms...competition...reputation...
it's that all my problem..
i dun noe why i am so free to juggle with all these stuff..
it's time i felt i shall stand up for myself...
i think i shall stop all these..and think about what's benefit for me and not alwys being told to do everything ...blindly just followed...i guess everyone has it's own limits..
and now i announced that i shall do things that's right for me not for others...
they won't rmb anyway...
do they ever mention my name or even stating it when they have all the rewards...
no..i supposed...and thus...i m not doing for them anymore..
but something to appeal and please myself...
i m not trying to be self centred here..
but i felt i am dumb enough to be used by others...
to soft hearted although i seemed to be fercious sometimes..



kk...
shall stop here....
=)